Healing My Heart

I have had a man in my life for 3 1/2 years and I wasn’t sure how he felt about me because he gave me mixed signals. I met him on an online dating site, but he never tried to kiss me, but he always wanted hugs. He wanted to see me, and he would text me every day. He never told me I looked nice he would just say that he liked my hair. He would always want to pay when we went out to dinner. We got along good and he was caring and funny. I wasn’t sure about his feelings.

Today I texted him and asked him if he would ever want to date me and I told him to be honest. He told me he didn’t want to date but just be friends. I had first brought it up after about 6 months after we met but he said just let things happen naturally. Well, nothing happened, and nothing is not enough for me.

I have had a really hard time dealing with this for over 3 1/2 because I felt so ugly and I wondered what was wrong with me. Lately it has been the cause of most of my anger. I felt bitter and resentful. I wasn’t mad at God though. I couldn’t figure out why I was so angry, because everything seemed to set me off. Then today while writing a poem it came to me and I finally figured it out. I felt better after that. Then I texted him.

I have never been married, and I am 61 years old. Almost all my friends are married with kids and grandkids. I always wondered why I never met a good guy. And I felt inferior because of it. But God thinks I am beautiful no matter what other people say or think. God loves me and He loves you too. You are beautiful and you matter to God, remember that!