The Mystery of a Vision

God’s timing is not like our timing. We are impatient. God sees all time all at once because He exist outside of time. As I get older, I realize I am not as patient as I want and used to be. Especially when it comes to the things in this world. Politics, people committing crimes against people etc., test my patience, and a lot of times I will yell “What the heck is wrong with people!” when the news is on TV. I want to know what is going on in the world so I can pray about it, but in other ways I wish I didn’t know what was going on.

Here is an example of how I was patient and impatient for the wrong reason. In 1982 when I was 17 years old, I was getting involved with the occult and I had a vision of myself and a man. In the vision we were both naked and our bodies were one in the biblical sense of the word, but it didn’t look pornographic to me. I thought it was beautiful. and I looked so happy in the vision. I thought it was what God intended sex between and woman to be like and it reminded me of Adam and Eve.  I thought he would be my future boyfriend because I didn’t want to get married.

I waited for him to show up in my life and 1987 I met a man, who looked nothing like the man I saw in my vision. The man, who I will call Dan, had light brown, long wavy hair, very pale skin, and blue eyes. The man in my vision was very tan, had short light brown hair, and green eyes.

The first time I met Dan I didn’t think he was good-looking at all and I was not interested in him. The thing is, I heard God’s voice or what I thought was God’s voice say to me, “you are going to meet him tonight,” before I left to go out that night with a friend. After we got to the club, I was scanning the place for Vision Man (as I like to call him) and didn’t see him as usual. My friend had talked about Dan, and had said he was so cute, and I had to meet him during different times we hung out together.

My friend noticed Dan who was with friends of ours and she wanted to go talk to them, so we did. I didn’t know who Dan was until I was introduced to him, so I shook his hand, and said I have heard a lot about you. His hair was a mess, and he was wearing a black wind breaker in November. It was cold outside so, didn’t know why he had a wind breaker on. I wore a winter coat that night because it was cold and windy.

We talked a little while to our friends, then we went back to where we were sitting. I kept looking around for Mr. Vision Man because God had said I was going to meet him that night. I didn’t see him though, so I wanted to leave because I was not having any fun and felt let down by God. I thought it was a depressing night.

Next time we went out Dan was there again. This time he asked me to dance, and I said yes. It was like magic when we danced, and I had never felt that way before. In the car, when we were leaving my friend told me that Dan said to her he thought I was beautiful. WOW! No one had ever said that about me before. She also said, “I think it’s going to happen,” as in we were going to fall in love, I brushed it off and said “Nah.”

Dan made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life, not even God had been able to do that. I remember while I was in cooking school, every time I went into the locker room I said to one of my classmates, “Every time I come in here the song “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker, pops into my mind, and I always hated that song!” Her response was “well you are beautiful.” I didn’t believe her. I think was God’s way of talking to me telling me he thought I was beautiful. Once when I was talking to God about it, and I said to Him “You think spiders are beautiful!”

New Years eve arrived and there was a party at the VFW. Dan was there with one of his friends, and his friend said to him, “isn’t she pretty?” while I was standing there talking to them. Dan agreed, and I walked away because I was embarrassed. Then my friends and I were having fun, I walked to the door and now can’t remember why, but I saw a girl sitting on Dan’s lap. I thought, why is a girl sitting on his lap? Is he playing games with me? So, I put on my coat, and my friends saw me and said, “what are doing?” and I told them I was leaving and walked home in the cold. I was mad!

After New Years Eve I decided the next time I saw Dan I would give him the cold shoulder. I thought, if he was so insecure that he had to play games to try to make me jealous then it wasn’t worth hurting him.  I thought if I went out with him, and eventually I met Vision Man I would have to break it off and hurt him and I didn’t want to hurt him. My brother had been hurt by his girlfriend who ended their relationship. My brother committed suicide over that.

I never lusted after Dan, it was more like unconditional love, I wanted what was best for him, even if that meant letting him go. He was different than the other guys I had met, and I thought I was in love. I never saw him again after New Years Eve.

I would see vision man at different places, but we never spoke, he just stared at me, which made me mad at God. One Monday morning in 1991 during June, I thought it was the Lord speaking to me while I was waking up. He said, “you are going to meet him Friday.” That used to happen a lot back then, I would hear a male voice in my head while waking up. Most things I heard didn’t come true, but that time it did.

I was working in beauty supply, and had Friday afternoons off because I was the assistant manager. Friday, I left work around 1pm and saw a man walking down on the grass median in the middle of the street. He was walking towards me on the median and I thought, “he looks familiar” as I was walking through the small parking lot to my car. I saw him as he crossed the street towards the parking lot, and I started to drive to the exit. He just stood there standing on the sidewalk and stared at me and I stared back. It was vision man. I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to ask him if he needed a ride? I drove away. Then I went to the oil change place across the street and while there I saw him walking the opposite way to what I had seen him walking before, but this time he was on the sidewalk. After getting my oil changed I drove home, and I was so upset with God! I yelled at God “you call that meeting someone?” as I cried all the way home.

The last time I saw him was in 1992 at Walmart. I was in the checkout line buying Bon Jovi’s cassette tape Keep the Faith, toiletries, and birth control pills for the first time in my life. I had made up my mind I was not waiting for vision man anymore, and that was why I got on birth control. I got up to the cashier and glanced to my left, and who do I see? Vision man. He wore a white muscle shirt and cut off blue jean shorts and was looking at the magazines and wasn’t buying anything. His skin was bronze, and he had short light brown hair. I was shocked to see him standing there. Then I heard the cashier say to me, “did you two find everything OK?” I didn’t know why she said that because I was all alone. No one was standing next to me. She kept looking shyly directly to my left, like someone was standing next to me and I could tell from the way she was looking at whoever it was, handsome. Maybe she saw an angel? I have no idea, but it puzzled me. After that I had two one-night stands. I rebelled against God on purpose because I was mad at Him because He didn’t do what I wanted him to. I felt awful afterwards and asked for forgiveness

I don’t know who that man was, but the vision could very possibly be showing me that marriage isn’t the prison I thought it was, and it can be a beautiful thing. The reason I never wanted to get married because I ran away from home when I was 16 years old, I stayed with an older man. He told me not to leave the apartment and being young and naive I listened to him and slept in his bed with him even though I didn’t want to. He did things to me. I finally got smart and told him I wanted to sleep on the couch, and then he kicked me out.

The vision made me realize God takes sex and marriage very seriously. What God has joined together let no man separate.