I could not accept God’s grace for me because I had so much anger. I don’t like this world very much sometimes. There is so much bad news, and negativity. I had to stop watching the news because it made me extremely angry.
I watched a bible study Sunday night, and the pastor talked about grace. I realized I have not been accepting God’s grace. I think because I didn’t think I deserved it. The pastor really emphasized accepting God grace. I asked God to help me accept His grace. It’s a gift none of us should turn down and He gives it to us freely.
I had been asking God to replace my anger with His peace, but nothing ever happened, I was still angry. I had asked God to forgive me multiple times for my anger, but it seemed like as soon as I said, “forgive me” I would get angry again.
Then last night I asked God to help me to be receptive to His grace and the gifts He wants to give me along with His love and peace. After that my anger disappeared. Watching that bible study was something I desperately needed, because it dawned on me the reason why I had no peace was because I didn’t feel worthy of it. I realize I am worthy of God’s grace because of what Jesus did on the cross.
Lent usually starts in February. I have not given up many things for lent over the years of my life. One year I decided to give up everything that has chocolate in it and I couldn’t do it. During lent I broke down and ate the part of the box of chocolate truffles I had bought my dad for Easter. I finished off the box later that week and bought my dad another box. I felt bad because I gave in to temptation and felt weak.
My problem was I did not ask God for the strength to overcome that temptation. I had never asked God specifically for the strength to accomplish things or overcome temptation. I had heard and read the bible verse “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” but didn’t think about it. During the times when I quit smoking, quit drinking and quit gambling I asked God to help me, but never once did I ask God for strength. God was merciful to me and answered my prayers and I have a lot to be thankful for.
This year I decided to try to give something up. At first, I thought I will read the bible more every day, then I changed my mind. I couldn’t decide what to give up. But I finally decided the day after Lent started this year and I gave up Facebook because I knew it would be difficult.
I don’t even know how many times I deleted my account in the past, then cancelled the deletion. I was addicted to Facebook. At first, I had to pray a lot for strength because I was having withdrawal. I had a love-hate relationship with Facebook for years. Facebook had not been good for my mental health for quite a while. I thought there were a few good things on Facebook, but not enough to stay. I am still not on Facebook and have no desire to go back.
If you are considering giving up social media because it is bad for your mental health, just give it a shot.
Replace it with listening to praise music, reading uplifting stories, watching inspirational movies, or reading your bible. Do something that uplifts you.
Ask God the Father to give you the strength to not log on. Tell Jesus you are having a hard time resisting when you are tempted, He will help you.
This is my favorite Zach Williams song. This song always has a positive effect on me every time I listen to it. I was a rebel before I came to know Jesus and I still have my moments.
I have experienced God’s awe-inspiring everlasting love and God’s wrath. This is the story of when I experienced God’s wrath as an unbeliever in 1997
When I didn’t believe in Jesus and was worshipping pagan gods and goddesses and practicing witchcraft, I experienced God’s wrath. I was terrified when He poured out His wrath on me that day. After praying the Lord’s prayer and others, and asking God to help me and forgive me, His wrath finally subsided. After I got home the next day after driving 24 hours, I threw out all of my occult books, crystals, and jewelry.
Feeling God’s wrath was terrifying and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. When I experienced God’s wrath He was fed up with me and my sins. I had it coming to me, and I deserved it.
After that experience I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is coming back soon. But one thing I remember is, when I was driving through what felt like heaven on earth after God relented on his wrath, I saw a sign on a church that said, “Prepare to Meet Your God.” Those words are in one of the verses in the Book of Amos in the Old Testament. I suggest everyone read it.
That morning when I when I woke up to hearing God yell at me, and it was like I had entered another dimension or had entered a portal. I can’t describe it, but I was terrified. I couldn’t breathe right and I was coughing a lot. My throat was burning and so was my chest. I saw rainbow-colored beams of light that were coming out my chest, and that light went on forever. All I felt was fear and I felt like I was surrounded by evil. I called local churches and asked them to pray for me. It was a Friday and a lot of the churches I called were closed that day. I had to get away from that feeling and had to get out of the house. Then I started driving and I didn’t know where I was going but I was praying the whole time. I drove all day and all night.
The next morning, I was still driving and I ended up taking an exit named X that led me to a town somewhere. I didn’t know where I was but after I took that exit it was like I had driven into hell on earth. I was trying to find a way out and came across a park named Performance Park and I drove through it. After I drove through it the scenery seemed nicer and the sun was shining. I still could not find my way out though to get back on the highway and drove around some more. Finally, I came to another park. This park was named Endurance Park, I could have turned around in this park, but I drove through it. Now things seemed even better, but I still could not find a way to drive out of this town. Then I came across another park. It was named the Court Park, and I drove into that park. I saw a man wearing a white shirt who had blonde hair and he was looking out the window of a brown brick building. I had to turn around in a driveway near that building and as soon as I left that park, I felt like I was in heaven on earth. All the music on my radio was about Jesus. Then I heard a man say on the radio they need teachers in China.
I felt like my car was hovering, and it would have been impossible to get in a car accident there because it was so easy to drive. As I drove around enjoying myself, I knew things. I knew Jesus was there, but I couldn’t see Him because He was physically somewhere else. I also knew how many prayers you prayed while on the old earth determined how much money you had here on the new earth. I finally found a way out of that place and drove back onto the highway. I saw a sign for a big city that is in a different state from where I live and there is no city or town with that name in the state I live in. I knew I could drive anywhere I wanted to go on that road, even Hawaii! I thought things would stay like heaven on earth, but not long after driving on the highway I saw a billboard for vodka and heard a Rolling Stones song on the radio. I knew I was no longer on the new heavenly earth.
When I finally drove home, I went to sleep and slept for a long time. I threw out every book I had on the occult, and buried all the crystals, stones, and jewelry.. I knew Jesus was coming back and I felt compelled to tell everyone I met when I worked as a temporary staffing person during that time.
I wasted a lot of money and time on the new age and occult, and everything I learned was a lie straight from satan. But the thing is, I chose to go down that path, no one forced me to do it. Everyone has the free will to choose between evil and good. Please don’t get caught believing the enemy’s lies before it is too late. The outcome will not be good, and you will regret it, because after you die there is no mercy to those who are on same path I was on. It is final and there is no turning back then.
I haven’t always had issues with driving. .I did from age sixteen to age twenty-two. The reason why I didn’t like driving is it made me anxious.
When I was twenty-two years old, I was working seasonal jobs and had to depend on others for rides to and from work. I hadn’t gotten my driver’s license in high school because that year because the school had a manual stick shift car and the one time I drove was awful. I quit high school in my junior year of high school and worked instead. I didn’t like depending on people, but I was afraid to drive because every time I drove the anxiety got worse. I couldn’t go to the mall because of anxiety, and I was a mess.
In 1987 my brother had been gone for over a year then after committing suicide the previous year. My relationship with God was pretty good then in my opinion, even though I thought Jesus was lesser than God and didn’t have as much power. I loved Jesus but didn’t understand anything about Him.
One morning while I was getting ready for work, I had just taken a shower and was on my way upstairs. I had a cup of coffee in one hand and was standing at the foot of the stairs to go up to my room. I turned on the hall light, and I looked up and, all I could see was white light then it disappeared. When I saw the light I couldn’t see the stairs, all I saw was light. I looked again and everything looked normal and I wasn’t seeing spots like the kind you see when looking at a light bulb. I didn’t really think too much about it and climbed the stairs. But all day at work I thought about the vision. What was God trying to tell me? It reminded me of the dream Jacob had in the book of Genesis. Jacob saw a stairway to heaven with angels going up and down the stairs in his dream. I had asked God to let me see what Jesus looks like on my birthday one year, so maybe that was His answer. As the bible says Jesus is the light of the world and I think I literally saw that light of Jesus Christ
John 8:12 NIV Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
John 9:5 NIV “While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
Psalms 18:28 NIV Lord, You keep my lamp burning; My God turns my darkness into light.
Isaiah 60:1 NIV “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.”
1 John 1:5 This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all.
As the new year started, I started feeling peace come over me. It would start at the top of my head and wash down over me. It was like God had a bucket full of peace and He was pouring it over me. It happened many times over the next three and a half months. Which reminds me of the bible verse in Joel 2:28-32 where it talks about God pouring out His Spirit over people in the last days and people would dream dreams and see visions.
My job had ended in December, and I tried to file unemployment in January. I spoke to a man who had answered the phone I told him about my situation. I told I didn’t drive and there were no taxis, or busses where I lived so I would have a harder time finding a job than most people because I depended on people for transportation. He was not sympathetic at all. He said I had to get my driver’s license and my claim was denied.
At first, I didn’t know what I was going to do so prayed and asked God to help me. Then I had an idea to hire a driving instructor so I looked up instructors in the phone book and called one of them listed and found one I could afford. I hired the instructor and started driving with her not long after. As I drove more, I became more confident except for parallel parking. I was terrible at it.
On the day I took my test in March, I prayed all day that whoever tested me would not make me parallel park. God heard that prayer. I passed the first time and the man said to me: “I don’t know why you waited so long.” I was ecstatic because I felt so free! I wouldn’t have to depend on people driving me around and I could get a job and drive myself.
Then in 2010 I hit a steel power pole head on when the roads were glare ice, and I thought I was going to die. The car was totaled and I was barely left with a scratch from the airbags deploying. God kept me safe, but for some reason the anxiety I felt when driving I was younger came back unfortunately. I keep praying God will take it away and I believe some day he will.
Don’t ever think God doesn’t hear your prayers. Sometimes He answers right away, sometimes it takes a while, and sometimes He says no. But He always hears us. He is always with you wherever you are.
One night I prayed to God that God would protect me. Then I laid down for a little while and just rested. I heard the following bible verse in my spirit: “Jesus is my strength and my shield.” After I heard that I immediately got up and went to my computer to look up the verse. The verse is Psalm 28:7, and it said, “The Lord is my strength and my shield.” The only thing that was different was God’s title. But Jesus was God on earth, He is God incarnate and He is God resurrected from the dead.
What other god sacrificed His son for people because he wants to be with them in heaven? What other god changed the world so much? What other god is continually healing and providing? What other god is constantly is creating? What other god loves you and only wants the best for you? What god gives you peace? What god calls you, his child? What other god rose from the dead after being dead for three days? I have studied a lot of different religions, and I can’t ever remember reading about any other god but God of the Christians calls people His children and loves them. Not in Hinduism, not in Buddhism, not in Islam, not in Greek mythology not Egyptian in mythology No other gods loves us like the God the Father
Lord Jesus Christ, pour out your Spirit over me I want to feel your presence I want to know your way Pour it out again like you have done before I want to feel your peace Forgive me for my sins help me begin again Refresh my weary soul and restore me so, I am whole again.
In July of 202 I had a dream. In my dream I was sent an invitation. The invitation reminded me of a very colorful wedding invitation. It had multicolored flowers on it with gold trim. The words on it said, “You are invited to be a maid’ and signed from God. It was an invitation to work for God. The invitation also said I would have Sundays for a day off.
When I woke up, I was so amazed by my dream. The invitation looked expensive and very pretty. In all my life, I have never seen such a beautiful invitation. It makes sense though because God is my treasure. I long for His peace and presence in my life, and when I don’t feel it, God feels far away.
I was depressed before the dream because I don’t work anymore and felt like I had no purpose because of it. I felt like I wasn’t having any positive effect on anyone because I rarely drive anymore or go places because of anxiety and chronic pain. I didn’t used to be quite this anxious until I got hurt during the pandemic. I couldn’t drive for six months because of pain I was feeling in my right ankle. I couldn’t put my foot on the brake of my car with bad pain. During that time, I had a Christian counselor that didn’t help me at all. In fact, I think he did more harm than good. But writing is therapeutic for me, and I feel better after I write down my feelings. It is a way I can heal my soul and mind from the damage that counselor did.
I decided to write a blog as my way of serving God and sharing God’s love. All of my poetry is about God. MKR is my initials. Thanks for reading.
MKR Prodigal Daughter Christian Perspectives from a Prodigal 