In my blog post Seeing the Light, I wrote about how God healed me of anxiety when I was 22 years old. I was healed for about ten years then when I was 32 years old it came back. I had pretty bad anxiety after an accident when I was 45 years old Then the anxiety got really bad during the pandemic and I have been struggling ever since.
Today I watched a daily service at Catholic church named St Jude’s and at the end everyone prayed together to ask St. Jude to pray for them and I prayed along. I asked St. Jude to pray to God that God would heal me of this anxiety and take it away.
I have a dentist appointment today and after I took my shower, I felt really anxious at about 11:30 a.m. Then around 12:30 p.m. a feeling of peace came over me, similar to how it felt when God healed me of anxiety the first time. Only time will tell if I am completely healed, but I believe asking St Jude to pray for me made a difference.
This blog post is a thank you to St Jude Thaddeus for praying for me. He was an apostle and cousin of Jesus. He is the patron saint of impossible and hopeless cases, and I have asked him more than once to pray for me and for friends.
Last fall I fasted and prayed a novena (which is nine days of prayer) to St Jude to asked him to pray for a friend, who had a tumor on her bladder. When the doctor went in to perform surgery on it, he could not find anything. The tumor was gone.
You might think praying to saints this sounds strange if you are not Catholic, or Eastern Orthodox or Anglican, and I used to struggle with asking saints to pray for us but there has been too many prayers answered to deny the power of it.
I have experienced God’s awe-inspiring everlasting love and God’s wrath. This is the story of when I experienced God’s wrath as an unbeliever.
When I didn’t believe in Jesus and was worshipping pagan gods and goddesses and practicing witchcraft, I experienced God’s wrath. I was terrified when He poured out His wrath on me that day. After praying Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be prayers over and over again for hours(I had memorized those prayers) and asking God to help me and forgive me, His wrath finally subsided. After I got home the next day after driving 24 hours, I threw out all of my occult books, crystals, and jewelry.
Feeling God’s wrath was terrifying and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. When I experienced God’s wrath He was fed up with me and my sins. I had it coming to me, and I deserved it.
After that experience I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, Jesus was coming back soon. I wish I knew when Jesus was coming back but have no idea when that will be. But one thing I do remember is when I was driving through what felt like heaven on earth after God relented on his wrath, I saw a sign on a church that said, “Prepare to Meet Your God.” Those words are in one of the verses in the Book of Amos in the Old Testament. I suggest everyone read it.
That morning when I when I woke up to hearing God yell at me, and it was like I had entered another dimension or had entered a portal. I can’t describe it, but I was terrified. I couldn’t breathe right and I was coughing a lot. My throat was burning and so was my chest. I saw rainbow-colored beams of light that were coming out my chest, and that light went on forever. All I felt was fear and I felt like I was surrounded by evil. I called local churches and asked them to pray for me. It was a Friday and a lot of the churches I called were closed that day. I tried to get away from that feeling and had to get out of the house. Then I started driving and I didn’t know where I was going. I drove all day and all night.
The next morning, I was still driving and I ended up taking an exit that led me to a town somewhere. I didn’t know where I was but after I took that exit it was like I had driven into hell on earth. I was trying to find a way out and came across a park named Performance Park and I drove through it. After I drove through it the scenery seemed nicer and the sun was shining. I still could not find my way out though to get back on the highway and drove around some more. Finally, I came to another park. This park was named Endurance Park, I could have turned arounds in this park, but I drove through it. Now things seemed even better, but I still could not find a way to drive out of this town. Then I came across another park. It was named the Court Park, and I drove into that park. I saw a man wearing a white shirt who had blonde hair and he was looking out the window of a of a brown brick building. I had to turn around in a driveway near that building and as soon as I left that park, I felt like I was in heaven on earth. All the music on my radio was about Jesus. I felt like my car was hovering, and it would have been impossible to get in a car accident there because it was so easy to drive. As I drove around enjoying myself, I knew things. I knew Jesus was there, but I couldn’t see Him because He was physically somewhere else. I also knew how many prayers you prayed while on the old earth determined how much money you had here on the new earth. I finally found a way out of that place and drove back onto the highway. I saw a sign for a big city and there is no city or town with that name in the state I live in. I knew I could drive anywhere I wanted to go in this place, even Hawaii! I thought things would stay like heaven on earth, but not long after driving on the highway I saw a billboard for vodka and heard a Rolling Stones song on the radio. I knew I was no longer on the new heavenly earth.
When I finally drove home, I went to sleep and slept for a long time. I threw out every book I had on the occult, buried all the crystals and threw out all the other occult things I had. I knew Jesus was coming back and I felt compelled to tell everyone I met when I worked as a temporary staffing person.
I wasted a lot of money and time on the new age and occult, and everything learned was a lie straight from satan. But the thing is, I chose to go down that path, no one forced me to do it. Everyone has the free will to choose between evil and good. Please don’t get caught believing the enemy’s lies before it is too late. The outcome will not be good, and you will regret it, because after you die there is no mercy to those who are on same path I was on. It is final and there is no turning back then.
I haven’t always had issues with driving. .I did from age sixteen to age twenty-two. The reason why I didn’t like driving is it made me anxious.
When I was twenty-two years old, I was working seasonal jobs and had to depend on others for rides to and from work. I hadn’t gotten my driver’s license in high school because that year because the school had a manual stick shift car and the one time I drove was awful. I quit high school in my junior year of high school and worked instead. I didn’t like depending on people, but I was afraid to drive because every time I drove the anxiety got worse. I couldn’t go to the mall because of anxiety, and I was a mess.
In 1987 my brother had been gone for over a year then after committing suicide the previous year. My relationship with God was pretty good then in my opinion, even though I thought Jesus was lesser than God and didn’t have as much power. I loved Jesus but didn’t understand anything about Him.
One morning while I was getting ready for work, I had just taken a shower and was on my way upstairs. I had a cup of coffee in one hand and was standing at the foot of the stairs to go up to my room. I turned on the hall light, and I looked up and, all I could see was white light then it disappeared. When I saw the light I couldn’t see the stairs, all I saw was light. I looked again and everything looked normal and I wasn’t seeing spots like the kind you see when looking at a light bulb. I didn’t really think too much about it and climbed the stairs. But all day at work I thought about the vision. What was God trying to tell me? It reminded me of the dream Jacob had in the book of Genesis. Jacob saw a stairway to heaven with angels going up and down the stairs in his dream. I had asked God to let me see what Jesus looks like on my birthday one year, so maybe that was His answer. As the bible says Jesus is the light of the world and I think I literally saw that light of Jesus Christ
John 8:12 NIV Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
John 9:5 NIV “While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
Psalms 18:28 NIV Lord, You keep my lamp burning; My God turns my darkness into light.
Isaiah 60:1 NIV “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.”
1 John 1:5 This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all.
As the new year started, I started feeling peace come over me. It would start at the top of my head and wash down over me. It was like God had a bucket full of peace and He was pouring it over me. It happened many times over the next three and a half months. Which reminds me of the bible verse in Joel 2:28-32 where it talks about God pouring out His Spirit over people in the last days and people would dream dreams and see visions.
My job had ended in December, and I tried to file unemployment in January. I spoke to a man who had answered the phone I told him about my situation. I told I didn’t drive and there were no taxis, or busses where I lived so I would have a harder time finding a job than most people because I depended on people for transportation. He was not sympathetic at all. He said I had to get my driver’s license and my claim was denied.
At first, I didn’t know what I was going to do so prayed and asked God to help me. Then I had an idea to hire a driving instructor so I looked up instructors in the phone book and called one of them listed and found one I could afford. I hired the instructor and started driving with her not long after. As I drove more, I became more confident except for parallel parking. I was terrible at it.
On the day I took my test in March, I prayed all day that whoever tested me would not make me parallel park. God heard that prayer. I passed the first time and the man said to me: “I don’t know why you waited so long.” I was ecstatic because I felt so free! I wouldn’t have to depend on people driving me around and I could get a job and drive myself.
Then in 2010 I hit a steel power pole head on when the roads were glare ice, and I thought I was going to die. The car was totaled and I was barely left with a scratch from the airbags deploying. God kept me safe, but for some reason the anxiety I felt when driving I was younger came back unfortunately. I keep praying God will take it away and I believe some day he will.
Don’t ever think God doesn’t hear your prayers. Sometimes He answers right away, sometimes it takes a while, and sometimes He says no. But He always hears us. He is always with you wherever you are.
One night I prayed to God and I also asked St Joseph, the stepfather of Jesus, to pray that God would protect me because according to the Catholic church he is the terror of demons. Then I laid down for a little while. I heard the following bible verse in my spirit: “Jesus is my strength and my shield.” After I heard that I immediately got up and went to my computer to look up the verse. The verse is Psalm 28:7, and it said, “The Lord is my strength and my shield.” The only thing that was different was God’s title. But Jesus was God on earth, He is God incarnate and He is God resurrected from the dead.
What other god sacrificed himself for people because he wants to be with them in heaven? What other god changed the world so much? What other god is continually healing and providing? What other god is constantly is creating? What other god loves you and only wants the best for you? What god gives you peace? What god calls you, his child? What other god rose from the dead after being dead for three days? I have studied a lot of different religions, and I can’t ever remember reading about any other god but God of the Christians calls people His children and loves them. Not in Hinduism, not in Buddhism, not in Islam, not in Greek mythology not Egyptian in mythology No other gods loves us like the Father God.
I pray every day. I also look at my blog stats every day, and I can tell which country the people reading my blog are living in. I know in some of the countries, people are being persecuted for their faith terribly by their own governments and family members because they believe in Jesus. I cannot imagine what you are going through because you love Jesus. I pray for your safety and protection and just wanted to let you know I care.
Glory Be Prayer: All glory and honor be to God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever, Amen.
The Lord’s Prayer: Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, and Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today, our daily bread, and forgive for our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, do not let us fall into temptation but deliver us from evil, for the kingdom, the power and the glory are Yours now and forever, Amen.
Hail Mary: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Prayer: Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and have mercy on everyone in the world, in the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.
When I was 21 years old my brother committed suicide, because the girl he had asked to marry him turned him down. There wasn’t much warning when he did it. There was about a week he was really suicidal and my parents didn’t tell me what was going on until the day before it happened. I wish they would have told me sooner maybe I could have talked to him. We were not getting along well then, so I didn’t say anything. But one thing I did do was pray.
I had a feeling he was going to do something he was going to take his life, so I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed every prayer I could find in my grandma’s New Marian Missal which is an old Catholic daily mass book from the 1950s. I prayed all day and all night until 11 p.m. then I went to bed. I wasn’t praying that he wouldn’t take his life, I prayed for his soul. I feel guilty now, because I should have prayed that he wouldn’t take his life.
That night in the middle of the night I awoke to Jesus speaking to me. He said to me, “I prayed your brother would be filled with the Holy Spirit.” After hearing that I knew my brother was dead and wasn’t in hell, because when Jesus prays for us it’s God will.
If you are contemplating suicide, it’s not worth it. Things won’t always stay the same. Killing yourself is one of the most selfish things you can do to other people. The people that are left behind will be scarred for life and will never be the same. I know, I have been through with my brother and ex-boyfriend.
Jesus can change your life if you reach out to Him. Jesus loves you so much He willingly sacrificed himself for you. He didn’t run away from the beatings, whippings, crown of thorns that pierced his head, or the nails that were pounded into his wrists and feet. He knew was going to happen to him, but He didn’t run from it. He died for you and me because He loves us and so we can be right with God. Talk to Jesus. He is waiting to hear from you.
I have dealt with physical pain since I was a teenager. I started getting terrible pain in my stomach when I was fifteen years old. I did not know what was causing it. I had a test done at the hospital that consisted of drinking a white, chalky, terrible tasting liquid and getting an x-ray of my stomach. The doctor didn’t find anything wrong with me. Years later, I heard about irritable bowel syndrome, known as IBS, which is what I have. I have pains in from that almost daily
Years later in my forties, I developed excruciating pain in my thumbs, near my wrist from work. For years the doctors told me I had tendonitis but never did an x-ray. After dealing with that pain for 4 years, I was adamant about getting an x-ray. and it showed arthritis. Then my shoulder started hurting and I had a good doctor then, and she ordered an x-ray. I had arthritis in my shoulder.
I fell down the stairs in 2021 and as a result of that I ended up with a sprained right ankle and a terrible case of sciatica on the left side of my lower back, hip, and leg. It was the worst pain I think I ever had. I had to walk on my sprained ankle. I couldn’t use crutches because I couldn’t put weight on my left leg. I was miserable.
I tried everything; physical therapy, chiropractor, and drugs, but nothing took the pain away completely. I did a lot of praying for healing, but I still deal with pain. I am not mad about it now, but after months of having really bad sciatica pain I did get mad at God and yelled at him when the pain was so bad and called Him a liar. Then I asked to be forgiven because I felt bad. There I was yelling at God, and I don’t even deserve Jesus.
Now I know better than to get mad at God and yell at Him. I take comfort in the fact Jesus understands our pain. When He was whipped and beaten and nailed to the cross it was very painful for Him. He has experienced extreme pain, and He understands how we feel.
Jesus went through everything we have gone through in our lives and worse. Some people have experienced worse things than others. He was homeless for three years. He experienced pain, hunger, depression, stress, anxiety just like everybody else. There is a medical condition that is extremely rare that people go through when they are under extreme fear or stress where their body sweats blood called, hematidrosis. Jesus sweat blood the night before He was crucified because he was so anxious and felt so much stress.
I fell down after I missed the last step when I was walking down the stairs without the light on and I didn’t have my glasses on saturday night when it was starting to get dark. I ended up landing on my hands and knees. A first my right foot hurt, so I wore my compression wrap on it, and that helped a lot. I have a big bruise on my knee, but it doesn’t hurt to walk. My Sacroiliac (S1) joint which is the joint that connects the back to the pelvis bone hurts a lot. I have bilateral arthritis in it anyway and most times it does not bother me. I experience sciatica pain on the left side of my lower body most of the time. But right now, the lowest part of my back hurts the worst and it is chronic pain.
When I am in pain, I think God is punishing me for my sins. Then I wonder if He even loves me at all. Back in 2022 when my sciatica pain was at its worst I yelled at God and called Him a liar and rejected the love God had shown me when I was in my early twenties. I think I said to God “you don’t love me.” Then I repented after that, but it’s like God put a block in my mind so now I can barely remember that love now.
Another thing happened a month or two later in 2022. I decided to pray a prayer of protection over this home. I looked up prayers for protection over a home online, and I found a bunch of them, and I prayed them out loud. As soon as I was done praying one of the prayers, I felt the presence of Jesus. His presence was so strong and I felt so peaceful, I couldn’t have worried if I tried. That feeling stayed all afternoon and most of the night. It was so wonderful. I thought, “this has got to be what heaven feels like.”
I know what it says in the bible about God loving us. I know Jesus would have gone through the torture he endured and the crucifixion just for me, but there are times I doubt. I have had anxiety for years and the physical pain just makes it worse. I take medications for anxiety and but the antidepressant I take makes me feel emotionally numb most of the time and I rarely cry now. The last time I really cried was when I was mad at God and yelled at him and called him a liar.
Jesus gave me a gift when He let me feel his presence of peace so strong. I can remember that presence, and I need to cling to it. When He was being whipped, beaten, and crucified, His pain was a lot worse than what I am going through. But He understands our pain and I take comfort in that.
Four years and four days after my brother killed himself, my ex-boyfriend killed himself just like my brother did. He recorded himself on a cassette tape, drove out in the country and shot himself. I was at work when one of my friends called me. I was distraught, and left work early that day.
I really fell apart at home and cried and cried. I couldn’t believe it. I had just finally started getting over my brother’s death. I said to God the day before my ex-boyfriend died, “I hope I never have to go through that again.” My ex-boyfriend had gone my brother’s funeral, and he said to me that night that he couldn’t understand why anyone would want to commit suicide.
My ex had called me over a year before his death wanting me to help him quit drinking. He wanted to go out with me again, but he had already left me twice for the same girl, so I did not want to date him again. I wanted to be friends, like we were before we started dating. I agreed to go to a movie in the afternoon that Sunday. On the way home I don’t remember us talking. When he dropped me off, I was going to turn to say goodbye and he looked so hopeful, like he wanted to come in the house or get a kiss. I didn’t say anything but just shook my head no and got out of the car. He never called again. I saw him at a local bar drinking by himself six months later when my friends and I went out one night, and he looked awful.
I tried to go to his wake with a friend and I remember screaming in her car that I couldn’t believe that he had killed himself. I went into the wake, and I remember talking to his brother, then turned and looked at one of his friends and started crying and left. I worked on the day of his funeral because I couldn’t handle going to the funeral.
After he died, I got mad at God, and I was mad at my ex-boyfriend. I decided to give up on God because he didn’t prevent the suicide. I thought if God can’t protect me, I will protect myself! I started reading about new age spirituality, witchcraft and the occult. I believed in reincarnation, UFOs, astrology, magic, and crystals. I used to read palms and I also practiced witchcraft. I had a warped view of Jesus. I didn’t think of him as powerful as God. I thought of him less than God. I worshipped Egyptian goddesses and gods for a while in my thirties and tried to worship them in my 20s but I always knew God was real. I thought the passage in the bible about John the Baptist as Elijah was proof of reincarnation. I didn’t think of Jesus as God who walked on earth in the flesh. I thought he was less than God. I didn’t understand his sacrifice. It didn’t make any sense to me. Why did he have to die? I thought His death was a waste. I didn’t understand the resurrection.
It wasn’t until much later that I gave my life to Jesus, but before I did I went through some really dark times. Even after I gave my life to Jesus it was not easy. I carried around a lot of guilt and couldn’t accept the fact that God had forgiven me of all the bad things I had done in my life. Getting into new age spirituality, practicing witchcraft, reading palms and rejecting him, were some of the worst things I have done in my life. I cried out to God so I could feel His Presence. It took a long time for me to feel forgiven. But I know I have been forgiven, and I have felt His Presence.
Know you can be forgiven of even the worst sins. No matter what you have done, God will forgive you if you ask Him. No matter what you have done He will forgive you. He isn’t some big meanie in the sky out to get you, that’s what the enemy wants you to think. The enemy the devil hates our guts because we are made in God’s image. God is peace and love. If you want to know what God the Father is like, look at Jesus. And the best way to get to know them is by reading the bible and talking to them.
One of my evangelical friends who lives in a different state had an MRI in August to see if she would be a candidate for back surgery. She has terrible pain in her back and chronic sciatica, along with fibromyalgia. I feel so bad for her because she suffers so much.
After the MRI, the doctor called her and said the MRI showed something. One of the ducts on her pancreas was enlarged so he told her he could not do surgery on her S1 Joint. She was upset. Then she saw her regular doctor who told her she needed to get a CAT scan and to make an appointment with a specialist right away.
She went in for her CAT scan, and that showed multiple very small tumors on her liver and a 14centimeter tumor on the outer wall of her bladder. When she went in to see the specialist, he said the tumors on her liver were harmless, but he wanted to do surgery right away on her bladder and do a biopsy to test for cancer. She was scared it might be cancer.
The Monday before her surgery on Wednesday I fasted and prayed for her to be healed of her tumor. I had fasted during lent by giving up meat, but I had never done a serious fast for an answer to prayer. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be at first. I think the key to fasting is eating protein for each small meal. I didn’t eat any meat or fish. I had a veggie burger for breakfast for my big meal, for lunch I had raw almonds and almond milk, then for supper I had pretzels and almond milk which was a big mistake. I think there might be 1 gram of protein in pretzels which isn’t enough to stay with you. By the end of the night, I was extremely tired and felt kind of weak, so I went to bed early.
I prayed the week before her surgery and Monday, Wednesday of her surgery. I asked Jesus to heal my friend and make the tumor disappear. I asked St Jude to pray for her and Mary, the mother of Jesus to pray for her also.
My friend didn’t tell many people about her tumor because she didn’t want to talk about it. She told one person from her church a couple days before her surgery, and they put her on the prayer chain. To my knowledge, I am the only one that fasted. Her husband who is a retired pastor did even fast.
Her surgery on Wednesday was at noon, and I knew they were going use some type of anesthesia for her outpatient surgery. I texted her about 4pm to ask if she was awake and if she was in a lot of pain and I didn’t hear anything back, so I assumed she was sleeping. Then around 5pm she called me and said she had texted me, but I never got the text. She told me the surgeon couldn’t find anything. The tumor had disappeared! It was a miracle!
MKR Prodigal Daughter Christian Perspectives from a Prodigal 