Another year just went by for me. My birthday was recently and I can’t say that I look forward to getting older, but the people in my life who make the day special, make it better. More than once, I have heard different pastors say ask God for something on your birthday, so today I told God I wanted to be able to hear Him better and hear his voice. I rarely hear the still small voice of God, but when I have, it’s unmistakable. Once you hear that voice you will never forget it. I haven’t heard it with my ears but within my spirit. Some people have heard God’s voice out loud, usually in a situation that immediately needs their attention, like if they are in danger.
One year on my birthday, I asked God to let me see what He looks like. I was working in the late 1989 and one of my co-workers gave me a photo someone in her church had given to her. A nun had taken a photo from an airplane window when it was storming. The photo showed dark clouds, lightening, and Jesus in the clouds and I was so happy to get it.
I asked God to see Michael the Archangel on my birthday in March of 1987. One morning December after taking a shower I was about to walk up the stairs to get ready for work and so I turned the light on and looked up. All of the sudden all I could see was light, then I looked down then up again then everything looked normal. All day long I wondered why I saw that light, and I couldn’t figure it out. It reminded me of Jacob seeing a heavenly staircase and angels going up and down on it with the Lord at the top of the stairs. Not long after seeing that light, I started to feel the peace that only comes from God. It was like God had a bucket filled with liquid peace that he poured on the top of my head, and it would wash over my body. I was twenty-two years old then and I still didn’t have a driver’s license because driving made me very anxious. Long story short, because God gave me His peace during the next four months, I was able to finally get my driver’s license in March of 1988.
When your birthday rolls around try asking God for something that will glorify him and help you in your spiritual life. I am hopeful I will hear God’s voice better this year.
I have dealt with physical pain since I was a teenager. I started getting terrible pain in my stomach when I was fifteen years old. I did not know what was causing it. I had a test done at the hospital that consisted of drinking a white, chalky, terrible tasting liquid and getting an x-ray of my stomach. The doctor didn’t find anything wrong with me. Years later, I heard about irritable bowel syndrome, known as IBS, which is what I have.
Years later in my forties, I developed excruciating pain in my thumbs, near my wrist from work. For years the doctors told me I had tendonitis but never did an x-ray. After dealing with that pain for 4 years, I was adamant about getting an x-ray. and it showed arthritis. Then my shoulder started hurting and I had a good doctor then, and she ordered an x-ray. I had arthritis in my shoulder.
I fell down the stairs in 2021 and as a result of that I ended up with a sprained right ankle and a terrible case of sciatica on the left side of my lower back, hip, and leg. It was the worst pain I think I ever had. I had to walk on my sprained ankle because I couldn’t use crutches because I couldn’t put weight on my left leg. I was miserable.
I tried everything; physical therapy, chiropractor, and drugs, but nothing took the pain away completely. I did a lot of praying for healing, but I still deal with pain. I am not mad about it now. After the first five months of having really bad sciatica I did get mad at God and yelled at him when the pain was bad. Then I asked to be forgiven because I felt bad. There I was yelling at God, and I don’t even deserve Jesus.
Now I know better than to get mad at God and yell at Him. I take comfort in the fact Jesus understands our pain. When He was whipped and beaten and nailed to the cross it was very painful for Him. He has experienced extreme pain, and He understands how we feel.
Jesus went through everything we have gone through in our lives. Some people have experience worse things than others. He was homeless for three years. He experienced pain, hunger, depression, stress, anxiety just like everybody else. There is a medical condition that is extremely rare, that people go through when they are under extreme fear or stress where their body sweats blood called, hematidrosis. Jesus sweat blood the night before He was crucified because he was so anxious and felt so much stress.
I fell down after I missed the last step when I was walking down the stairs without the light on and I didn’t have my glasses on saturday night when it was starting to get dark. I ended up landing on my hands and knees. A first my right foot hurt, so I wore my compression wrap on it, and that helped a lot. I have a big bruise on my knee, but it doesn’t hurt to walk. My Sacroiliac (S1) joint which is the joint that connects the back to the pelvis bone hurts a lot. I have bilateral arthritis in it anyway and most times it does not bother me. I experience sciatica pain on the left side of my lower body most of the time. But right now, the lowest part of my back hurts the worst and it is chronic pain.
When I am in pain, I think God is punishing me for my sins. Then I wonder if He even loves me at all. Back in 2022 when my sciatica pain was at its worst I yelled at God and called Him a liar and rejected the love God had shown me when I was in my early twenties. I think I said to God “you don’t love me.” Then I repented after that, but it’s like God put a block in my mind so now I can barely remember that love now.
Another thing happened a month or two later in 2022. I decided to pray a prayer of protection over this home. I looked up prayers for protection over a home online, and I found a bunch of them, and I prayed them out loud. As soon as I was done praying one of the prayers, I felt the presence of Jesus. His presence was so strong and I felt so peaceful, I couldn’t have worried if I tried. That feeling stayed all afternoon and most of the night. It was so wonderful. I thought, “this has got to be what heaven feels like.”
I know what it says in the bible about God loving us. I know Jesus would have gone through the torture he endured and the crucifixion just for me, but there are times I doubt. I have had depression and anxiety for years and the physical pain just makes it worse. I take medications for anxiety and depression, but the antidepressant I take makes me feel emotionally numb most of the time and I rarely cry now. The last time I really cried was when I was mad at God and yelled at him and called him a liar.
Jesus gave me a gift when He let me feel his presence of peace so strong. I can remember that presence, and I need to cling to it. When He was being whipped, beaten, and crucified, His pain was a lot worse than what I am going through. But He understands our pain and I take comfort in that.
When I was eight years old, I saw a UFO. I was out in the garden after supper, with my family that early evening and it was dark outside because it was October. My sister was at some school function, but my brother and parents were there. According to my mother my brother saw it too, but for some reason we never talked about it. My parents didn’t see it because they had their backs turned to it.
I can still remember it plain as day. We were supposed to be cleaning up the garden, but I wasn’t. I was jumping on old overgrown cucumbers and having fun watching them explode under my boots. Then for some reason I looked up and saw something in the sky. I didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t an airplane. It was a craft of some sort; it was close and low to the ground. It didn’t make any noise, and I was not scared. I had never even heard the phrase UFO at that age.
I had a strange dream that I thought God sent me about a blonde man and a choice during the summer of 1983 when I was eighteen years old. After I woke up from the dream, the top left side of my head hurt so bad, and I felt like I had been hit on the head with a hammer. The pain was awful and lasted over a month. I had never heard of head pain that lasts for a month, and I don’t get migraines either. On a different morning that summer I woke up with three large pinpricks in row and blood dried on my ankle.
In 1989 I was at a bookstore, and I saw a book about alien abduction experiences, it had a demon looking creature on the cover. I bought it and started reading after I got home. It scared me so bad I couldn’t sleep. The book was so detailed and the things that happened to the author were so awful, but I read the entire book anyway. That started my journey on a search for the truth. I didn’t know what to think about aliens. There had been programs about UFOs and movies about alien abductions on television which I had watched.
In 1998 on Easter evening, at dusk I saw another UFO this one was noisy, and it scared me. I hid in the garage while it flew over. I was so scared! My heart was beating rapidly, and I feared what might happen to me.
In 2006 I joined a UFO and alien abduction group. I was also hypnotically regressed back to the times I saw UFO’s and it didn’t help. The strange experiences didn’t stop unfortunately because I wasn’t a Christian. My immediate family members and other relatives have also seen UFO’s.
People have been pondering if aliens are real, and if they are, where do they come from. I think they are fallen angels, and the Nephilim are the disembodied ones who have died are demons. I know they are liars because of my own experience. They told me I used to be Jesus in an in-between awake and a sleep state one morning and they said if I didn’t believe it, I would get throat cancer. Extraterrestrials tell everyone that they abduct that they have been chosen. They are liars. The bible mentions the sons of God, which are fallen angels which I think are aliens. The bible also mentions the ruler of the kingdom of the air is which is satan. And satan is the author of lies. They are God’s enemies, and they are our enemies.
Gensis 6:1-4 New International Version bible
When human beings began increase in number on the earth and were born to them, the sons of God saw that daughters of humans were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose. Then the Lord said, “my spirit will not contend with humans forever, for they are mortal; their days will be one hundred twenty years old.”
The Nephilim were on the earth in those days-and also the sons of God went in to the daughters of humans and had children with them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.
Ephesians 2:1-2 New International Version bible
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and the RULER OF THE KINGDOM OF THE AIR, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.
Revelation 12:1-17 New international Version bible
A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet and twelve stars on her on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its head. Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so he might devour her child the moment he was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter. And the child was snatched up to God and to His throne. The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.
Then a war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and the dragon and his angels fought back. But the dragon was not strong enough and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down-that ancient serpent called the devil or satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled down to earth, and his angels with him.
Satan is using the entire ufo/new age spirituality movement to lead people astray. What the new age spirituality is teaching about extraterrestrials/aliens is wrong, and not just about ET’s. Everything about it is wrong and it’s a door to evil spirits. We are NOT God. We cannot manifest things any more than a rock can. You cannot heal yourself, and you are not God. It’s a crock of crap. (pardon my language) It is not the truth. The best way to fight demons is with prayer and the name of Jesus Christ. I know this from experience and the E.T.s don’t bother me anymore.
I get anxiety attacks driving because I hit a steel power pole head on in December of 2010 while driving home after work one night. It was 10:30 pm when the roads were icy and the road hadn’t been salted yet and it was freezing rain. It was scary losing control of my car. As soon as I saw I was headed for the power pole I said to God, “I guess I am ready.” I was sure I was going to die, but God wasn’t through with yet. But from then on, I didn’t think I was a very good driver because of the accident.
My car was totaled, and I was bleeding on my cheek a little bit, but other than being shook up I was fine. I took a taxi home, and I saw cars in the ditch on the highway. My car was a total loss since the air bags had deployed, and I am sure the front end of the car was in bad shape too.
Then I couldn’t drive for six months much because I sprained my right ankle when falling down the stairs in October of 2021 I ended up with a terrible case of sciatica on the left side of my lower back, hip, and leg. I had to walk on my sprained ankle because i couldn’t put weight on my other leg. I felt like I needed to practice driving after I started driving again, so went out with a friend a couple of times.
My car was totaled, and I was bleeding on my cheek a little bit, but other than being shook up I was fine. I took a taxi home, and I saw cars in the ditch on the highway. My car was a total loss since the air bags had deployed, and I am sure the front end of the car was in bad shape too.
Ever since I had anxiety as a teen, the car accident, the pandemic, and falling down the stairs and hurting myself I have hated driving because of the anxiety I feel. I have asked God to take my anxiety away again like He did in 1987, but it hasn’t happened yet. I still pray for it though.
God healed me of anxiety when I was 22 years old. I didn’t drive before that because of anxiety attacks. Then one morning in December of 1987, when I was getting ready for work something happened. I was standing at the foot of the stairs after taking a shower, and I looked up and all I saw was white light. I looked down and then looked up again and then I could see the stairs again. It happened in a split second. After that happened, I started feeling God’s peace that would start at the top of my head and wash over my body until it went down to my toes. Like God was pouring out His Holy Spirit over me.
My seasonal job had ended, and I could not collect unemployment because the man I talked to on the phone denied my claim. When I explained to him, I didn’t drive and had to depend on rides because there wasn’t any public transportation where I lived. He told me to get my driver’s license. I was really scared and didn’t know what I was going to do so I prayed. God answered that prayer in a big way, I got my driver’s license 3 months later.
While watching a pastor talk about fear and being afraid, he said something that really comforted me. He said Jesus is our big brother and we are all his little sisters and brothers, and when we are afraid, we should ask him to help us. What the pastor said has got to be one of the best things I have heard about getting over anxiety and being afraid. Jesus said we are his brothers and sisters, but I never thought of him as a big brother. I lost my only big brother to suicide when I was 21 years old and I have wondered what he would be like if he was still alive. I have Jesus as a big brother now, and I have the best big brother a sister could ever ask for.
MKR Prodigal Daughter-Christian Perspectives from a Prodigal 